My heart is so full. I've been sitting for a few minutes thinking of what i want to write, but an opening sentence has yet to come to me. so with my usual grace and aplomb, i'll jump right into the middle and work my way out.

Its been almost four months since i've been in chicago. I'm mostly amazed that a) i've made it, and that b) for being full of heartache and challenges, its gone by so quickly. More than anything God is proving his faithfulness to me over and over. (in fact i've decided that if i ever get a tattoo, it'll have something like "Faithfulness" in hebrew permenently on my body.) When mom came up to visit, she commented multiple times on how quiet my apartment is. She told me, "Erin i knew that if God were going to 'speak tenderly to you' it would have to quiet enough for you to hear, and yep, its quiet!" and thanks be to Jesus, i do hear (sometimes...hopefully most times?) Multiple times when i'm lonely, i'll tell him "Jesus, i just want to be with someone who KNOWS me," and He sweetly replies with the words of David, "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." His presence, His grace, His 'little' mercies are sprinkled throughout my day and if i still my mind and heart to listen and seek them, I'll find him everywhere.

Yet still i am a creature of habit and shrink from his calling, his Voice. He has brought me to a church, which i'm very excited about, but i'm fearful of the heart that it requires. It requires much to be vulnerable, to serve, to get to know people, to be involved. I'm fearful of commitment, i'm fearful of relationships, i'm fearful of being left behind or getting hurt. Yet again God reminds me that I am not of those that shrink back, and that i should "...be all there. Live to the hilt every situation which you believe to be the will of God."

Thankfully He's also provided another sojourner to encourage me. Her name is Ana, and although i've only known her four days, she has been one of the biggest physical encouragements and reminders of God's care for me. He will not leave me alone until i become exactly who he has made me to be! (said with joy and a bit of chagrin)

And also, there has been Nate. I feel so inadaquate to write and say anything about him, and more importantly about the Lord, who is "compassionate and gracious" even in his decisions to take Nathan away. I have loved watching the Body respond. Its grief, its grace, its care of the broken... I'm so thankful that God is alive in his Body.

I'm anxious to come home and see these faces that i love and hug the smithereens out of them. I love you, family, and am so thankful for your prayers and love and encouragements. Blessings, blessings, blessings!